Travel and First Impressions

I love flying. We move such huge distances in negligible time. The moment just before the plane lifts off causes an array of emotions to flicker through me. A crippling wave of nostalgia and a slight note of sadness are quickly replaced by a blooming peace and wonder. The unknown has never been a thing that frightens me, it exhilarates.

I flew out of La Guardia on a plane that was supposed to leave at 3pm around 3:45. It was a connecting flight to Philadelphia from where I caught my main flight to Miami. Kind of interesting, the flight to Philadelphia was aboard a small plane that had propellers on the front of the engine and only sat about 60 people. I make small talk with the guy next to me until he talks about how small the plane is and how his agent made this flight. He tells me that he is an NBA player. I am suitably impressed. I tell him I am a poker player; he is suitably impressed. If anyone follows this kind of thing (I don't) he was the 30th pick of the first round by the Bulls.

The flight to Miami was fairly uneventful. I did, for some reason, become fascinated at the way cloud cover looks 30,000 feet above the ground. I took a bunch of pictures of those infinite floors of smoke. We also passed by an enormous black thundercloud with lightning regularly flashing through it. That was cool, I'm glad we went around it though.

I'm sitting in a hostel in South Beach right now which actually isn't part of Miami. South Beach is gorgeous. Everything about it. The architecture in particular with the Art Deco buildings. It is always alive with partiers and the beach is never more than a few blocks away while the streets are lined with boutiques, coffee shops and palm trees.

I also really like some of the areas of Miami. Having really only experienced the northeastern cities I am shocked at the sprawl of it all. It goes on for a very long while. The parts by the Bay that are across the bridge from South Beach/Miami Beach like Brickell and Downtown are awesome. Then you get further out towards the west and it...really isn't that nice.

The casino. Umm wow I didn't know people race dogs. It was extremely surreal to watch dogs run by even if those dogs look like mini horses. The Action was extremely soft. I'm very satisfied with my decision even if it does suck that it takes me an hour or so to travel each way although I am only going 10 miles since I take the bus. Don't have too much to say about poker at the moment because I basically just arrived in town and I have been thinking a bunch about where I can find a place to live...it is not going well so far but I'm not really worried. It's pretty easy to argue that I should be but it's just not in my nature.

Where I Am

Hey guys,

Sorry for the lack of updates lately but I haven't been doing a lot. I arrived in New York Friday morning from Atlantic City and then had to scramble to find a place to stay. I ended up staying with a friend that night and then another friend's on Saturday night after a party. I have been at my parent's house in the suburbs since then.

Exciting news though! I am going back to New York in a few hours where I will be spending the entirety of the weekend crashing on different people's couches/floors. And then, on Monday, I am catching the ~3pm flight from La Guardia to Miami. FUCK YES.

It has been a week since I played poker and I am growing restless. I always grow restless in the suburbs though. I have been browsing around for sublets and stuff on Craigslist, ever since my cross country hitch hiking adventure via Craigslist I trust it completely, and while the prices aren't too outrageous they are still higher than I expected. A few promising ones have passed by my eyes so it seems pretty likely that I will end up subletting a 1 bedroom in Miami Beach. Everyone is invited to come down once I find it. I'm staying in a hostel for a few nights in South Beach while I look around.

I might even look for a *gasp* the 3 letter word (j*b). A fun one though...because I will need to meet people down there and break the monotony of it all. I think I might get a bartending license and look for a j*b doing that.

A note on lending money: don't do it...In the gambling world your word is your reputation. The first time you break your bond it's over. I think I will be one of the lucky ones and end up getting back most of the money that I loaned to people, even if it isn't within the time frame that was part of the original agreement.

So yeah, probably won't update for the next few days due to being afk and hanging out in the city. I will try and put up pictures of the 9/11 Memorial after I go on Sunday.

Atlantic City is DONE

I can't stand being in the Borgata any longer. No, that's not quite right. Sort of. The basic problem is that I need other things to do and other places to be. I like grinding most days and the lifestyle that it entails, I just need other things to do outside of it. I need a place to go back to at the end of a session. This is fueling my bad play; every time I walk by the poker room I am filled with revulsion.

Also, when did it get cold outside? I was going to catch the jitney to somewhere else to play tonight and when I did I was blasted by cold air. Apparently the seasons changed while I have been hibernating in the Borgata. Not sure what day or time it is right now but my laptop says Friday at 4:13am. Hmm...not sure where I will sleep tonight but I will figure it out when I get to New York.

I think I ended up profiting ~2k after expenses while here because living in a hotel is definitely not cheap. Ah whatever, what could have been etc.

I play the lower limits like 2/5 to get to high stakes. If I don't reach that in the next year or so I think I will probably transition out of poker. But until then, poker is my thing.

Self-Loathing

I've run pretty decent at the Borgata aside from one or six choice spots. I have played pretty well about half the time and absolutely fucking awful the other half. And for that, I hate myself. Everyone wants to do their job well and I am no exception to this rule, so why the fuck can't I? I don't know and it is a question that has been bothering me to no end. I can usually nitpick out a thing or two here but there must be some larger theme. In the past I would usually set a goal of something that I wanted and that would help for a bit until I lost sight of it. So maybe I will try that, but what should my goal be?

I did a few stupid things today. One was having a few drinks before playing. Thankfully I quite before the damage was too much. Drinking and playing is a terrible idea, especially for me. Then I just tried to play ~20 minutes ago but I am so tired I can barely think straight and it certainly showed in my plays. So I made another good quit while limiting the damage to under $200 which is nice but damage is damage.

My new thought is that I need a change of scenery. Spencer managed to talk me into (okay so I wanted him to do so) going to his party in the city on Saturday and taking those 24 hrs off should really help. I might even go outside tomorrow and say hello to the sun if it hasn't set by the time I get up. I don't think I have seen it in 8 days. No, that's not right. I went to the boardwalk with Chad and Luis a few days ago and had a few drinks but aside from that I have not seen the sun. Nobody needs that bastard anyway.

So, starting tomorrow I am going to pretend that I just got to the Borgata and am starting this journey. As I mentioned in a previous post, people's ability to delude themselves knows no bounds and I am no exception to this rule. I'm actually really good at it. Yay? I have put my winnings in a separate pocket of my backpack and have just the 4k cash that I began this journey with. Then, if I am feeling up to it and awake and well fed I will play some poker sessions. If not, then definitely Friday.

I always set a point and say "THIS IS THE BEGINNING!! I AM DONE BEING A SCREW UP!! FROM NOW ON, I AM DOING THIS THE RIGHT WAY!!" And you know what? I never can follow through. Hence the title.

10 years

Apologies for the double post and please do read the post that I just made before this one, it is quite good and interesting.

I cannot believe it has been 10 years since 9/11. I remember everything about that day and where I was with perfect clarity. I remember my younger self being unable to comprehend the meaning of the situation and asking my mother "Why is it such a terrible thing?". I have seen and remember the ripples of shock that have echoed endlessly throughout our society and I remember people at their worst and people at their best. Before I get on a political rant allow me to say that I remember it all.

And yet something that I saw and heard the other day really sums it up the best:

The buses in Pittsburgh have a panel at their front that states which route is coming. The P1, the 14 Ohio Valley, the 18 Manchester etc. Now alternately flashing with the route number and name is: 9/11/01 Never Forget. Again, I don't want to get on a political rant about blind patriotism and such but I find this absurd. But that has nothing to do with the story. Anyway, I saw a young girl with her mother on one of my last days in Pittsburgh while I was waiting for that damn 14 Ohio Valley to take me to the casino. She said to her mother, "What is 9/11/01?"

And that is it. Such an innocent question from an innocent girl; and she cannot possibly comprehend the magnitude of that question, the pain of a nation struggling with itself as it reels from a destructive and deadly attack, of wars mismanaged, of lies told and of lives thrown away. Time truly does heal all wounds. Such a raw visceral image will fade in the coming generations, maybe not quite the same way as images have in the past due to things like the internet and memory storage, but they will fade all the same.

Swongs and Boredom - Some Thoughts About my Next Move

Playing poker for a living is stressful. I have finally gotten to the point where the monetary swings don't affect me too much and I can simply pick up when I have hit my stop loss, but it remains stressful. Here is a graph of my cash game winnings thus far in Atlantic City:



I just finished losing that last $1000 about 20 minutes ago. The numbers at the bottom are the session numbers. I consider the last week a failure despite the 100k year pace. lol. But yeah, it's incredibly stressful.

Chad was talking to a girl from POF (Plenty of Fish) earlier tonight on Skype in our hotel room and she asked how much he respected money. We both started laughing. On a scale of 1-10 we insta said 1. How could we not? I can lose 1k in 1.5 hours playing relatively low stakes, respecting money is impossible given that. Luis lost 9k today and he obviously wasn't happy, but he wasn't altogether tilted or furious.

I'm quite bored. I hit my stop loss and don't want to play poker but I am also in a casino and I don't want to gamble because all of that shit is -ev. I actually think I will learn a very basic blackjack counting system and become marginally +ev at it when I have a little time and am a bit less tired. Then, even if my hourly is <$5 at least I am making money while I blow off steam. I ran some preliminary calculations and if I generally flat bet $25 I shouldn't have to spread my bet up to more than $75 to get +ev. For such small stakes, playing one spot and barely spreading bets I doubt I will catch heat from any casino. Although it apparently takes about 1000u to ensure that you can ride out the variance wave which is a bit more than my threshold of pain lol. Definitely something I will pursue in my spare time (if I ever have any) for my own edification. Advantage play is another thing I find fascinating. Obv fuck roulette but people card count baccarat!!? Beating the unbeatable is a thrill.

I wish AC had other things to do in it but it really doesn't. There are some concerts and of course the beach but other than that it is a barren wasteland of ghetto. Liquor store, deli, pawnshop, liquor store, deli, pawnshop, laundromat is pretty much what it looks like outside of the casinos/boardwalk. Whatever.

So I thought I was going to move to Vegas after spending a week or two in Rye Brook/New York once my Atlantic City journey draws to a close. That's probably not going to happen. Everything that I have been told indicates that the Action in Vegas is not that good aside from during the WSOP. Right now I am thinking Miami or Tampa. Maybe for a bit or maybe for a while. I really like the idea of following the major tournament series around the world for a bit and playing in the side action. That definitely means that I need to work on my tournament game though. Starting tomorrow I am going to start playing some of the smaller buyin donkaments that are in the $200-$400 range. I have no intention of grinding buyins greater than 1k ever but hey, maybe I run good and bink a few in the next couple of months.

I don't really know where I will be in the next year but I kind of like it that way. Def need travel buddies though, will have to think about it a bit more. Going to take a day or two off soon, I have been working quite a bit lately. I think I want to go exploring the seedier side of Atlantic City, will definitely take photos if I do.

LOL Poker Players and The Probelm with the Lifestyle

Part One - LOL Poker Players

So I was grinding the other day at a 2/5 table when a guy sits down or moves next to me. I'm pretty talkative at the tables and I can obviously see that he is playing very aggressive with a wide range (a ton of hands). He's youngish looking so I give him a little shit about it and we get to chatting about poker and the donkaments (tourneys for the uninitiated) that he is playing during the series. He tells me about how he usually plays 5/T and his life traveling the world following the various tournament series with the big action and big buy-ins. Basically he is far more baller than I am. Anyway, his name is Luis and he wishes me well after remarking that he just can't take 2/5 seriously.

Strangely enough I end up seeing him around a lot over the next 24 hours and the three of us (me, him and Chad) hit it off pretty well so we hang out a bit. He's a really nice and chill guy and while I do question some of the moves he makes in donkaments I don't judge too harshly because I am not a donkament player and could be completely wrong. One of the most awesome stories that he tells us is about playing in a WSOP event with durrrr (the event during which durrrr got second) and how he sat next to durrrr for ~2 days in a row. Apparently he finished in the 30s in the same event. We make sure to get the correct spelling of his name to so that we can look him up on hendonmob.

And what do you know, he only has 22k in cashes lifetime. Not this year, lifetime. Turns out he is mostly full of shit (some of the time?). I then look up the results of the event he claimed to have gotten 30-whatever in and what do you know...there is no one matching his name or anything close to that name who cashed in the event AT ALL. He is a Venezuelan citizen with a US Green Card but I can't find a record of him ever cashing for more than 12k anywhere.

But he's a super nice guy and sometimes he isn't lying! It just doesn't make any sense. Even if he just travels the world playing 5/T or 10/20 during these series he is still considerably more baller than I am. I saw him talking to some of the 5/T guys in the poker room here so they definitely know him. Maybe he is the table fish and just has a rich family or is independently wealthy at 25. So strange. Kind of fits considering one of the hands he told us about. Just a terrible, terrible line.

He also went on about his hot friends and how he only dates super rich girls. And that seems to be true. He introduced us to his friend Lily who, as it turns out, is also some kind of super baller. I was introduced to her when she was at the blackjack table in the midst of losing however much money. She told me that she plays the same things Luis does: 5/T, 10/25 and bigger buyin donkaments. When I asked her for an estimate of how much she has lost lifetime in the pit she told me ~250k. Lol wtf. My number is somewhere around 5k I would guess and I am very proud to say that I have not played any blackjack the entire time. There really is nothing that compares to the energy at the craps table when a shooter is hot though. I definitely saw a guy sitting with ~30k yesterday at craps with a black on the pass line ($100) and $600 or so most of the numbers. But I digress. So at this point I am thinking, "wtf is everyone more baller than me fml". Today though Luis told me that Lily is a terrible poker player and that she is being backed/sleeping with someone who is actually good. So that made me feel better I guess. It's kind of amusing to think that there are lots of "professionals" out there who suck at poker but come from money. People's capacity to delude themselves knows no bounds.

Part Two - The Problem with the Lifestyle and LOL Poker Players

It's Saturday night in the nicest casino in Atlantic City and there are people everywhere. An absurd concentration of beautiful women and money pass by me in waves as I sit here typing away at my computer in the lounge that is reserved for hotel guests in a T-shirt and jeans. I think there is a lingerie themed party going on somewhere judging by some of these outfits. It's 12:15am and I woke up less than 2 hours ago. I am living in a casino for 3 weeks. I still have to work for 6+ hours as soon as I finish typing this.

And these are just some of the problems with the Lifestyle. Games are always best when recreational players don't have to be at work. That is, the evening, the weekend and holidays. Those are also the best times to go out and party with friends. Clearly I can't work and party and I do need to eat. So it's unfortunate.

Poker also has its darker side. I was playing last night and two guys sat down at my table. One of them was clearly mentally challenged in some way. I couldn't wait to play with him. Another one was clearly drunk. Same thing. Half of them are degenerate gamblers (this includes pros) while a bunch more are lying scum. There are good people everywhere but of all the places in the world the casino probably has the smallest percentage of them. Even prison is better I think; I once visited a prison with my high school Law class and met some nice guys. Meh, maybe it's close between prison and the casino but that is not exactly the most ringing endorsement I have ever given.

Of course, I have also met some amazing people through poker. People who's outlook on life is similar to mine, people that are incredibly nuanced in their thought and think deeply about the game, people that love the game as much as and often more than I do. It's unfortunate and strange that such a wild variation exists on the felt, but I guess that is everywhere and losing money happens to brings out the darker parts of people that usually remain hidden in deep crevices.

Okay, so I lied - Also my leaks

I said I was going to go and get drunk but Chad (a buddy of mine that I am splitting the room with) didn't want to go out tonight because the only club that is open is at Harrah's rather than the Borgata. I figured fuck it, it's past midnight so it's a new day, I might as well put in another session. I started off at 1/2 but I just can't take that shit seriously so I went to 2/5.

I ran pretty good. Cashed out ~1.5k profit. It was nice to actually make hands and not see the board runouts be terrible. Also made one c/r bluff that I am very proud of. It's kind of amazing, a lot of the game is just waiting for people to gift you stacks. Like I overlimped 78o in the cutoff and it went off 6 handed or so. Flop was 569hh giving me the nuts and the sb just leads out for 25...I make it 65, he says 125, I go all in and he calls. Now at this point I am thinking that I need to fade a combo draw or a board pair or that we are most likely chopping because I mean, 100bb deep in a limped pot after I 4 or 5 bet jammed lol. Anyway board bricks off and I can happily announce nuts, except my opponent had already beat me there with A9o tptk huh. Kind of sick, the turn was an A. If he had runnered the boat...lol...better not to think about it. Just so many hands where people would gift money bluffing with no fold equity into super strong lines, it really makes no sense.

I do wish that I could record the hands I play. I think I am making a number of mistakes, especially with respect to betsizing, that really cuts down on my winrate.

I want to take a moment to talk about my two biggest leaks:

The first is that I don't take enough time to think through my decisions and properly range my opponents. One of my bad beat hands from earlier is a good example. 5s full is definitely a fold given action and line but I just didn't think about it. It's kind of ridiculous given how much more time I have per decision when playing live. It's probably because I have trained myself to make decisions quickly online and don't adjust to the time that I have live.

My other major leak really isn't a leak per se. I am really hard on myself after I make a mistake, especially one that in hindsight is obvious to me (something that connects back to the first leak...). This is a good quality to have, I think, but I let it affect me to such an extent that I play much worse. I can be hard on myself all i want after I am done playing, when I am at the table I should focus on making correct decisions.

Run good everyone, I don't think there will be too much non-poker content in the next few weeks while I am at the Borgata because I did come here to work. Although I do think I will be attending a party in nyc before then so look out...

Mini Borgata Update - running bad

I successfully made it to the Borgata yesterday. So far I have played something like 10 hours and I am down ~500. It was actually going pretty well until the following two hands which left me quite hurt :(

UTG limps and I raise 98s in the highjack. I get 3 callers and the flop comes 887 with a flush draw. It checks to me and I bet 3/4 pot, fold fold, and UTG c/r to ~225. I flat and call his turn shove on 2x. River is a 5 and he rolls 85s. LOL. One stack down the drain.

UTG+1 raises and I flat with A5s. The guy directly behind me comes along as well. Pot is 50. Flop is AQ5dd and I call a ~65 bet. The guy behind me comes along as well. Turn is another 5 and the pfr checks. I lead ~110 and the guy behind me snap calls. Now the pfr c/r to 320. This is a fold I think but it was one I couldn't make. Regardless I push and get shown QQ. FML.

I think I'm going to go get drunk now.

On Pittsburgh

My desire to take pictures in the last 2 days has been thwarted by Mother Nature. My desire to take pictures in the last 36 days has been thwarted by my lack of a working camera (a deficiency which has since been rectified) and my own laziness (something that I try to correct but seriously 22 years of momentum is hard to reverse). Okay so I might have lied a bit, I haven't been really trying to correct the latter problem but I would like to, which counts for precisely nothing. Whatever.

I do have a few things to say on Pittsburgh though. I always have something to say after all.

At its heart Pittsburgh is a town. Calling it a city disgraces the word and disgraces Pittsburgh itself. That isn't a bad thing, in fact in many respects it is good. The city part of it, however, is quite strange. Downtown Pittsburgh, where all the big buildings are, is the cleanest major downtown that I have ever seen. This has nothing to do with the diligence of Pittsburgh's government, it instead has everything to do with the lack of people who live downtown. There is nothing to do there, so no one lives there. No one lives there, so no businesses set up shop. When I went to the casino on Saturdays and Sundays it was incredibly eerie to see how deserted it was down there. During the week it is plenty busy with people going to and from work at places like PNC, yet on the weekend it is deserted. I went to the casino on Saturday and the Qdoba/Chipotle (I can't remember which) was closed...at 3pm...on a Saturday. Like I said, strange.

Everyone lives in the neighborhoods that surround the downtown and stretch out for quite a while. Each of them have their own distinct flavor. Oakland is the college student part, South Side is the bar district with more bars/whatever^2 than anywhere else in the world, Squirrel Hill is the Jewish part, Lawrenceville is hipster central etc.

It's actually quite a beautiful place in terms of landscape and such. The whole city lies in a valley with hills/mountains surrounding it. Through this valley run three different rivers. Standing in front of the casino/Heinz field at night and looking out over the river into downtown Pittsburgh and up at the surrounding hills is fairly breathtaking. Something I regret not exploring further.

Much of the shittier parts are also built in such strange ways. I have climbed more shady stairs/walkways than anywhere besides a medieval Spanish town. I find myself fascinated by decaying urban landscapes and the secrets that these tiny warrens and untrod streets may contain. It's mindboggling to me that things can disappear from human knowledge only to reappear years later, even if that knowledge is as something as small as a room once constructed or a track once built.

And finally, I must say something about the people. On the whole I found the people nice if a bit strange with their "pop" and "gumbands". I also encountered far more close minded and bigoted people than I am used to. For all that, there are good people everywhere.

From Andre and Bill at the local bar to some of the dealers at Rivers with whom I discussed life and with whom I conspired to go into business with to my brother and his roommates and friends, I have met so many awesome and cool people. It is sad to think that many of them I will never see again. This is definitely the greatest drawback to the life that I choose to live, it is so hard to develop friendships knowing that in a short time I will feel the need to wander or the desire for something else. Still, I am all the better for the people I have met and that makes it worth it. Until we meet again, it has been fun, I will probably try and pass through for a few days on my way west or maybe on my way east from a western journey.

And with that, my time in Pittsburgh is at an end. Atlantic City is next. Just another day living the dream.

What I Do + Anecdotes

So this is what I usually do:



Here's a funny story or two:

1) I was at the bar tonight and of course the best way to get the attention of the bartender is to wave around money. So I'm waving a hundo and I order 3 drinks. When she gives me my change the woman tries to give me back 30 some odd dollars lol. Then she walks away quickly. When I say...umm...excuse me wtf she mumbles something like oh I thought I gave you a 50 even though she didn't even look at my money to realize her mistake. LOL. No tip for you.

2) I was talking to a big black guy on the bus because he had a yellow yankees hat and we were shooting the shit about nyc and stuff. I also asked him where to find good jerk chicken because he had a giant jamaican shirt on. Somehow we end up talking about poker and he goes on for a while about how he wants to stake me in a highstakes game with Wiz Khalifa and 'Lil Wayne lolz. Apparently I have a baby face so no one will ever believe I am any good and they will all think that they can bully me around. He also sold me a bootleg month long bus pass at like 1/3rd the price. When I asked him where he got it he told me, "don't worry about it". As we walked around downtown while I waited for the bus to the casino he told me about the "easy money" in his roulette system; I swear he seemed to know like 40% of the people who were around just on the street.

My life is absurd.

August Wrap Up, Variance, Downswing, Borgata Open and September Goals

Hey guys it has been a while since I updated so this one might be a bit long. For the month of August I ended up profiting ~4k in cash which is alright but not spectacular. At my peak I was up around 5k but downswongs are fairly normal things so whatever.

In the last 10 days I have lost money. I think I am down nearly 2k since my height including today. You don't want to hear about the bad beats I am taking but trust me when I say that I have lost with 80% equity or greater multiple times. It's fairly standard really. Consider this: I played about 130 hours of poker in August at about 30 hands per hour. For the mathematically inclined amoung you that comes out to something like 4000 hands last month. Online I would often play 4000 hands in a day. The sample size variance associated with the small number of hands I played is absurd. Although my edge is far bigger in live poker the magnitude of it is not nearly big enough to compensate for sample size.

I am definitely going to the Borgata open. In fact, I will be spending the entirety of the open there. I have a room booked from the 6th - 23rd which is something absurd like 17 nights. I am splitting it with a friend of mine, he's a really cool guy. I'm really excited to get out of Pittsburgh with respect to playing poker. Although I have had an awesome time in Pittsburgh with cool people and the fact that I actually find this town to be pretty cool, the poker action simply isn't good enough or big enough.

So the famous J, the guy who I blogged about in "Empathy and Poker" which is apparently far and away my most popular blog post, and I talked earlier today. He disclosed to me that he won 7.5k on the tables in the month of August. While yes, he did play a bit more than me, the fact that he won more than me has approximately zero to do with our relative poker abilities. Like I indicated before, I highly doubt that he has taken any of the bad beats that I have while I know for a fact that he has given some of them. Take, for example, the hand where he won with queens against my kings. In that particular hand I had ~80% equity in the hand, yet I still lost. Sample size variance is insane; And his bet sizing still sucks.

For the totality of August I won the previously mentioned 4k, whatever. My goals for September are pretty much to grind as hard as I can in AC. After AC I am heading to New York to hang out with people before I go to Vegas. I leave for AC on Tuesday and the whole thing will cost me ~$900. I hope to play exclusively 2/5 in AC. I am going to bring 5k in cash with me to the Borgata and if I drop 3k I will move down to 1/2. I highly doubt this happens but runbad knows no bounds. My goals for September are as follows:

Play my A or B game the whole time - I had a number but it's just dumb to have that
150 hours on the tables in Atlantic City
Enjoy Life

Live the dream motherfuckers.